DATE: October 20, 2019
VENUE: Odeum Expo Center (Villa Park, IL)
COMMENTATORS: Josh Matthews & Don Callis
The 15th edition of Bound For Glory features a World Championship main event as Brian Cage defends against Sami Callihan. Also on the show we’ve got multi-person matches for the Tag Team and X-Division Titles, Taya Valkyrie tries to extend her record-run as Knockouts Champion, and Ken Shamrock returns to take on Moose.
CHAMPIONS
- IMPACT WORLD CHAMPION: “The Machine” Brian Cage
- IMPACT X-DIVISION CHAMPION: Jake Crist
- IMPACT KNOCKOUTS CHAMPION: Taya Valkyrie
- IMPACT WORLD TAG TEAM CHAMPIONS: The North (“All Ego” Ethan Page & Josh Alexander)
LINEUP
- “Call Your Shot” Gauntlet Match (NR)
- Taya Valkyrie [c] vs. Tenille Dashwood for the IMPACT KNOCKOUTS CHAMPIONSHIP (***)
- The North [c] vs. Rob Van Dam & Rhino vs. Rich Swann & Willie Mack for the IMPACT WORLD TAG TEAM CHAMPIONSHIP (***3/4)
- Michael Elgin vs. Naomichi Marufuji (****1/4)
- LADDER MATCH: Jake Crist [c] vs. Tessa Blanchard vs. Ace Austin vs. Daga vs. Acey Romero for the IMPACT X-DIVISION CHAMPIONSHIP (***1/2)
- Ken Shamrock vs. Moose (**1/4)
- NO-DISQUALIFICATION: Brian Cage [c] vs. Sami Callihan for the IMPACT WORLD CHAMPIONSHIP (****)
*****
CALL YOUR SHOT GAUNTLET MATCH
The winner of this match gets to challenge for whatever championship they choose. Edwards is the first man out…and the Fite feed immediately cut. Tremendous. Apparently this is a Royal Rumble match.
Feed FINALLY pops back in as Reno Scum (Adam Thornstowe & Luster the Legend) are beating on Eddie Edwards. Next man out is Cousin Jake, who is a Deaner? Or just teaming with Cody Deaner? I should have read up on this show before I decided to review it. Rohit Raju of the Desi Hit Squad is out next, flattening Edwards in the corner with a cannonball but gets bowled over by Cousin Jake. Reno Scum drop Cousin Jake with a battering ram and a legdrop combo.
Joey Ryan is next up in the Gauntlet, to the joy of the Chicago crowd. THE GRAPHIC SAYS CODY DEANER THOUGH, WHICH IS GREAT. Ryan wants somebody to touch his dick. Raju wants to punch him instead, but gets dropped with a right. Luster tries an inverted atomic drop but hurts his knee because BALLS OF STEEL. A line of people grabbing dicks, which Edwards joins because he feels like it. Penis Plex, Raju and Jake get ELIMINATED from it. Well okay then.
Jessicka Havok is the next person to try their luck. Ryan wants Havok to grab it, Havok goozles him into a chokeslam instead. GOOD. Havok boot chokes Luster while Edwards beats on Thornstowe. Next participant is “The Demon Assassin” Rosemary. Rosemary suplexes Thornstowe, then stares down hated rival Havok. Ryan OILS HIS DICK and begs them to touch it. Rosemary and Havok decide to work together and double clothesline the pervert. Madman Fulton of oVe is next person out, everybody eats a forearm. Fulton breaks the Rosemary/Havok double clothesline and eliminates them with a double clothesline of his own. Thornstowe gets tossed as well, Ryan grabs his dick lollipop, puts it in Fulton’s mouth and hits a superkick. Fulton tosses Ryan on top of Rosemary and Havoc. Cody Deaner enters for real, without a countdown clock. Fulton takes him out in short order with a chokeslam.
Johnny Swinger is next, in crazy 90s neon tights and a fanny pack. JOHNNY SWINGER?!? Is Glen Gilberti going to be in this one too? Swinger spends his time posing and showing off his guns instead of entering the ring, biding his time instead of getting his ass kicked. Fulton blows a snot rocket on Swinger, GROSS. Countdown clock is on and the next participants is…Jordynne Grace. YEEEEEEAH WRECK ‘EM, THIC MOMMA PUMP. Grace with a spinebuster on Luster and forearms to Fulton. Fulton picks her up, Grace slips out. Edwards hits Fulton with an enzuigiri and Grace connects with a German suplex. YEEEEAH. A minute apparently passed and SWOGGLE is next out…from under the ring. He chases Swinger in, Swoggle bites him in the butt. Swinger slaps Grace’s ass, Grace decks him with a right and Swoggle hits him with a German suplex. Grace eliminates Swinger, Swoggle drops Grace and goes to work on Luster.
Kiera Hogan is the next entrant and goes face to face with Grace. Swoggle bites Hogan’s butt, Hogan drops him with a big boot. Hogan with a series of chops and a spin kick to the side of Grace’s head. Grace places Hogan on the apron and eliminates her with a back elbow. Next entrant is Raj Singh of the Desi Hit Squad to absolutely NO reaction. Ha. Edwards eliminates Luster, Singh laughs at Swoggle and gets kicked in the shins. Singh responds with a clubbing blow. Tommy Dreamer is the next entrant, Dusty rights and a Bionic Elbow to Singh. Dreamer mists Fulton with water (or beer)?
Kylie Rae is the next person out, glancing blow superkicking Singh. Kay ducks a clothesline and superkicks Dreamer. Cannonball to Singh in the corner. Crowd LOVES it and her. Dreamer eliminates Singh, Fulton eliminates Dreamer while posing. Edwards turns Fulton around, eats a lariat. Next person out is Fallah Bahh, finally making a damn PPV. Fulton flies, Bahh counters his whatever into a Samoan drop. Butt splash. Swoggle with a butt splash as well. Rae follows them with a cannonball. Entrant #19 is Sabu and his weird genie-looking valet lady. Air Sabu to Bahh, Sabu then destroys the chair by throwing it at Edwards’ head. The final entrant is Mahabali Shera (w/ Gama Singh). Grace and Rae sent to the apron, Shera eliminates both. BOOOOO. Sabu throws a chair at Sera, Sera eliminates him with a clothesline. Edwards, Fulton, Bahh, and Shera are the final four. Shera muscles Bahh up and throws him out. Fulton throws Edwards at Shera, Shera throws him to the ground, and they trade clubbing clotheslines. Edwards clotheslines Fulton out. Edwards vs. Shera will now be a singles match.
Fulton angrily pulls Edwards out and chokeslams him on the apron. Shera tosses Edwards back into the ring, Edwards dodges a corner splash for the 1…2…Shera kicks out, Edwards quickly follows up with the Boston Knee Party for the 1…2…3!
Eddie Edwards wins the Call Your Shot Gauntlet, last eliminating Mahabali Shera via pinfall (Time Not Recorded)
- The FITE issues at the beginning soured me immediately, so it doesn’t feel right to give this match a rating since I didn’t see all of it. This was quite the hodge podge nonsense of talent; I liked seeing the women actually get to be involved and mix it up, not so hype they were easily eliminated like that. Joey Ryan eliminating folks via Penis Plex was…a thing that happened. Cool for Edwards to win as he was the only male I took seriously in this one, wish it could have been MUCH shorter though. We lost a Rascalz/Team AAA match on the PPV, man. (NR)
-Matthews and Callis run down the card.
-EARLIER TODAY: Brian Cage and Melissa Santos arrive to the arena. The World Title match tonight is now a No-Disqualification Match, demanded by Cage himself. DUMMY.
-FEUD RECAP: Taya Valkyrie is the longest-reigning Knockouts Champ in Impact history. Tenille Dashwood is here to put an end to the tyranny.
Taya Valkyrie [c] [w/ John E. Bravo & a Fake Dog?] vs. Tenille Dashwood for the IMPACT KNOCKOUTS CHAMPIONSHIP
Valkyrie attacks before the bell. ARE PEOPLE DRUMMING IN THE CROWD, WHAT THE F*CK? Dashwood escapes a waistlock and they trade running back elbows. Dashwood hits a double underhook suplex for the first near fall of the match. Valkyrie catches Dashwood with a release German for a two-count. Valkyrie connects with a knee strike and plays to the crowd, giving Dashwood enough time to send her to the apron and connect with a neckbreaker across the middle rope. Dashwood heads to the top, Bravo removes her from the splash zone. Dashwood tries for a kick, Valkyrie catches it and sends her face-first into the apron. Dashwood breaks a full nelson and tilt-a-whirls into a Fujiwara Armbar, Valkyrie rolls through for the 1…2…Dashwood kicks out and Valkyrie goes back on the attack. Valkyrie charges, Dashwood flapjacks her, and both women are down.
Dashwood sidesteps Valkyrie in the corner, and applies a Tarantula until the ref forces the break. Dashwood connects with a flying crossbody for the 1…2…champ kicks out. Valkyrie dodges a kick and sends Dashwood crashing into the buckles, followed by running double knees. Both fight on the buckles, Valkyrie blocks a sunset bomb, Dashwood finally peels her off for the Liger Bomb and the 1…2…VALKYRIE KICKS OUT. Valkyrie responds with a Blue Thunder Bomb-ish for the 1…2…DASHWOOD KICKS OUT. They fight on the apron, Valkyrie sets up for a package piledriver, Dashwood blocks it. Valkyrie connects with an elbow and this time Valkyrie…kind of (???) hits it. That was real ugly and botchy. Dashwood beats the count and pulls Valkyrie off the buckles, following up with a pair of low crossbodies. Fite TV feed messes up AGAIN, I think the ref is throwing Bravo out? Valkyrie has a chain, Dashwood ducks the right and rolls her up for the 1…2…Valkyrie kicks out. Dashwood tosses the chain, not needing it. Valkyrie dodges the Spotlight and hits the Road to Valhalla for the 1…2…3.
Taya Valkyrie [c] defeated Tenille Dashwood via pinfall to retain the IMPACT KNOCKOUTS CHAMPIONSHIP (11:49)
- Outside of that oogly package piledriver spot I enjoyed this match. Definitely a lot better than that weird ass gauntlet that opened the show. Dashwood choosing not to break the rules and getting beaten is pretty funny. That’s what you get for trying to tow the line! RESPECT IS FOR IDIOTS. (***)
–Rob Van Dam & Rhino cut a backstage promo.
-VIDEO: The North’s run as Impact Tag Team Champions, including forcing LAX to leave Impact Wrestling FOREVER (or at least until they leave AEW/AEW folds).
The North (“All Ego” Ethan Page & Josh Alexander) [c] vs. Rhino & Rob Van Dam vs. Rich Swann & Willie Mack for the IMPACT WORLD TAG TEAM CHAMPIONSHIP
Three man are legal at any given time so this is going to be hard to follow. Cool cool. Or I guess not because RVD leaves the ring and Matthews says there are only TWO men legal in the ring at a time. Make up your damn minds. Mack drops Alexander with a rana, Page tags in and eats a back bodydrop. Swann tags in, and the duo hit some TANDEM OFFENSE leading into a rolling senton from Swann, throwing shade at the Whole F’N Show. Rhino tags himself in and drops Page with a shoulderblock. Alexander hits Rhino from behind, Page drops him with a big ol’ boot. The North with quick tags, working Rhino over in their corner. Rhino connects with a spinebuster on Page, both men are down. RVD and Alexander tag in for their respective teams. RVD with a spinning heel kick followed by Rolling Thunder. EAT IT SWANN. RVD follows up with a split-legged moonsault for the 1…2…Alexander kicks out. “YOU STILL GOT IT” chant from the IL crowd. RVD monkey flips Alexander halfway across the ring then gets sent into the corner so Swann tags himself in. Swann kicks off Alexander’s shoulder and kicks the man in the face for a two-count. That was cool. Swann fights out of The North’s corner. Page grabs Swann’s leg mid-springboard and helps Alexander connect with a swinging slam. Page tags in and hits a backdrop with such intensity that Swann flips 450 degrees to the mat. HOT DAMN.
The North continue working Swann over, Alexander with a hanging swinging DDT for the 1…2…not yet. Page clears Rhino and RVD off the apron, Swann fights both men with rights until he eats forearms and superkick. Swann hits a tornado DDT on Page, poison rana on Alexander. Mack gets the hot tag, corner clotheslines for The North, inverted cannonball on Alexander and a Samoan Drop into a moonsault to Page for the 1…2…Page just gets his shoulder up. Swann tags in and covers, RVD and Rhino break it up. RVD is the legal man now I guess and gets Page in position. Alexander grabs his ankle to prevent the Five Star Frog Splash. Mack shows up and hits the SIX Star Frog Splash, Swann runs in and covers for the 1…2…Page kicks out. Wait so is Swann the legal man? I AM CONFUSED. Page sends Swann and Mack into one another, RVD with a flying kick to Swann. Alexander connects with a rolling Samoan drop, Rhino clotheslines Alexander to the floor. Mack belts Rhino with a standing dropkick and follows up with a tope con hilo to the floor on RVD, Rhino, and Alexander.
Swann wants to fly, Page stops him and they jockey for position on the buckles. Page with a SUPER military press, Alexander with a backbreaker, and Page finishes with a swanton for the 1…2…SWANN KICKS OUT. Alexander tags in, Mack breaks up the double cradle piledriver. Swann with a flying neckbreaker for the 1…2…RVD & Rhino make the save. Rhino sets up for the Gore BUT ROB VAN DAM SUPERKICKS HIM OUTTA NOWHERE. Whoooooa. RVD superkicks Mack and Swann as well, then walks out of the match. Back in the ring The North finishes Swann off for the 1…2…3.
The North [c] defeated Rhino & Rob Van Dam and Rich Swann & Willie Mack via pinfall to retain the IMPACT WORLD TAG TEAM CHAMPIONSHIP (14:24)
- Great match and a surprise heel turn from RVD, who I expected to be stuck as a babyface for the rest of his career. An actual interesting swerve, at least for me. I wanna see a heel RVD, it’s been like twenty years. That aside as I said this match rocked, great spots from everybody, and The North are f*cking great. Keep belts on them forever. (***3/4)
–Ace Austin shows up in the women’s locker room wearing nothing but a towel to talk to Alisha Edwards. Austin says the next time she sees him he’ll be the X Division Champion and they’ll be celebrating. K.
“Unbreakable” Michael Elgin vs. Naomichi Marufuji
The graphic called Marufuji “Marufugi” but I refuse to believe that’s a thing they are actually going with. Not the first graphic mistake tonight, and not a good showing for the company’s BIGGEST show of the year.
Some back and forth to start, dodging and countering one another’s moves leading into a stalemate. Marufuji with a snapmare and repeated double stomps to the face. Is Marufuji supposed to be a heel? He seems more likeable to me. Elgin catches Marufuji in the corner and drills him with a suplex. Marufuji rolls to the floor, Elgin lawn darts himself into him with a tope suicida. Elgin quickly rolls him in and connects with a heavy missile dropkick for the 1…2…not yet. Oh wait Elgin is being booed now. Right on. Elgin with a snap suplex, Marufuji kicks out of the lateral press. Crowd VERY silent now. That’s eerie. Elgin with a forearm, Marufuji chops back. Elgin with a chop of his own, Marufuji sends him to the floor with a dropkick. Marufuji follows up with a tope con hilo and both men are dazed. Back in the ring Marufuji seats Elgin with a snapmare and hits a double stomp and back kick for the 1…2…Elgin kicks out. Elgin tries a Dragon Suplex, Marufuji blocks it and counters with a roll-up for the 1…2…no. Elgin with a German suplex, Marufuji lands on his feet, Elgin catches a kick and belts him with a forearm. Marufuji connects with a clothesline, Elgin brushes it off. Marufuji and Elgin duck each other, the former hits the latter with a superkick, the latter with a rolling German suplex. Nice. Elgin with a backbreaker and Falcon Arrow for the 1…2…Marufuji gets his shoulder up in the nick of time.
Marufuji drops Elgin with a kick, Elgin rolls under the bottom rope to avoid being pinned. Fight on the apron, Elgin with a hard chop, Marufuji tries a sunset bomb to the floor but Unbreakable hangs on. Elgin tries to splash, Marufuji moves and hits a mule kick, finally bringing Elgin to the floor. Marufuji follows up with Sliced Bread #2 on the floor. Elgin beats the count, Marufuji with a springboard double stomp for the 1…2…Elgin kicks out. Marufuji with a superkick, Elgin tries for a suplex but Marufuji counters. Elgin rolls Marufuji off and finally manages to hit the Dragon Suplex. Elgin with forearms and a rolling elbow, both men block one another until he sends Marufuji to the mat with a lariat. Elgin connects with a second lariat and a Splash Mountain Bomb for the 1…2…MARUFUJI KICKS OUT. Marufuji with a pair of knee strikes and a mule kick through the legs. Marufuji with a knee strike to the back of the head for the 1…2…Elgin gets his shoulder up. Marufuji connects with another Sliced Bread #2 for the 1…2…Elgin kicks out again. Marufuji with a knee strike, Elgin with the HARDEST F*CKING FOREARM I HAVE EVER SEEN JESUS CHRIST. They trade chops, Marufuji with a hook kick, more kicks, a knee strike, Elgin catches him and throws him to the mat like TRASH.
Elgin connects with a buckle bomb into the Elgin Bomb for the 1…2…MARUFUJI KICKS OUT AND ELGIN CANNOT BELIEVE IT. Elgin drops Marufuji to his knees with a back fist, Elgin sits him on the top turnbuckle and puts him in an inverted fireman’s carry into an inverted death valley driver for the 1…2…3.
Michael Elgin defeated Naomichi Marufuji via pinfall (18:04)
- HELL YEAH. What a great match. Loved watching these two absolutely lay the f*ck into each other, and I bought into a lot of those near-falls towards the end. Great action, great stretches of offense from both men, what a contest. (****1/4)
-VIDEO: The various feuds heading into tonight’s X-Division Title match, and how each person got into said match over the past few weeks on TV.
LADDER MATCH
Jake Crist [c] vs. Tessa Blanchard vs. Ace Austin vs. Daga vs. Acey Romero for the IMPACT X-DIVISION CHAMPIONSHIP
Callis calls Austin “The Cuckmaker” during his entrance. WHAT IS WITH PRO WRESTLING AND ITS OBSESSION WITH CUCKHOLDING LATELY? Tessa is the ONLY one who should win this one, let’s be real. Matthews announces that Acey Romero and Joey Ryan have officially signed with Impact Wrestling. Right on.
Daga and Austin dropkick Romero, Blanchard kicks Austin and belts Crist with a series of forearms. Crist pushes her off, Blanchard connects with a cutter. Crist rolls to the floor, Blanchard hits back to back tope suicidas, Crist counters the third with a cutter. Back in the ring Daga backflips over Austin and hits a series of quick strikes. Austin blocks an Irish whip, and ducks a pair of clotheslines into a backflip splash to the floor on Crist. Romero throws Daga into the corner, Daga dodges the splash but eats a dropkick. Daga dropkicks Romero then goes off his back for a corkscrew splash to the opponents on the floor. Nice. Daga looks under the ring for a ladder (even though there is already a ladder ready and waiting). Blanchard and Daga fight for the ladder, Romero goes for a flying whatever just so he can be hit with the ladder. That made absolutely no sense but was a cool visual I guess?
Romero grabs one of the MANY ladders NOT UNDER THE RING and slides it into the ring. Crist hits Romero with a chair but he no sells it. Crist with a series of kicks, including a superkick and a spinkick and finally the big man goes down. Crist climbs the ladder, Austin climbs behind him and connects with a flying belly-to-back suplex. Austin climbs, Daga kicks him in the back and hits a series of kicks/stomps. Austin sends Daga to the floor with a rana. Blanchard goes for the ladder, Austin forearms her. Blanchard traps Austin and hits a Codebreaker followed by a springboard dropkick to send Austin to the floor. Blanchard climbs, Romero pulls her off and drills her with a Samoan drop. Romero grabs the other ladder, which teeters on the middle rope, Daga legdrops it and the ladder smashes right into Romero’s face. OOF. Daga lays the ladder across the guardrail and apron then grabs a table from under the ring. Crist with a baseball slide, Daga ends up laying on the table for some reason.
Crist climbs to the top, Austin hits him with a ladder and lays it across the middle buckle. Daga gets off the table, Blanchard climbs the middle buckle ladder to belt Crist with a series of rights. Daga climbs it as well, Romero with a TOWER OF DOOOOOOOOOOOOM except for Austin who hangs on the top rope to avoid going down. Austin tries a rana, Romero power bombs him into a ladder which had been laid against a different corner. Romero introduces a second ladder and places it next to the first so he can climb them both and get to the title. Because HE’S FAT. Crist climbs one of the ladders and connects with a SUPER CUTTER. Jeeeeesus. Acey Romero, they aren’t paying you enough for this. Blanchard and Daga climbs the ladder, Austin shoves it down to stop them. Austin sets up a ladder in the corner, Daga with a death valley driver and a CANADIAN DESTROYER ON CRIST THROUGH THE LADDER THAT WAS HANGING ON THE GUARDRAIL/APRON. YOOOOOOO.
Romero climbs the ladder, Blanchard pushes the ladder over and ROMERO GOES THROUGH THE F*CKING TABLE AND THE LADDER COMES WITH HIM HE’S DEAD HE’S GOTTA BE DEAD. Blanchard has a clear path until she doesn’t as Dave Crist and Madman Fulton interfere. Fulton introduces a table, Fulton blocks a Magnum but gets sent very gingerly into the ladder with a rana. Blanchard climbs the ladder, Jake Crist climbs the other side. Blanchard sends him through the table, and has her hands on it but Austin grabs his weirdo dork baton, whacks Blanchard with it, and grabs the belt!
Ace Austin defeated Jake Crist [c], Tessa Blanchard, Daga, & Acey Romero win the IMPACT X-DIVISION CHAMPIONSHIP (17:42)
- Great match until that finish to once again not give Tessa Blanchard the actual push she deserves. They’re willing to let her wrestle against the guys but not win the matches that count. Cool move, Impact. That aside though HOLY SH*T ACEY ROMERO IS A CRAZY PERSON. He’s a big dude and seeing him take those crazy ass bumps scared the ever-loving sh*t on me. Impact you just signed the guy and you’re trying to kill him his first night out? Ruuuuude. Anyway stupid finish, Ace Austin now has a title and that stupid sh*t with Alisha continues so nobody really wins in the end. (***1/2)
-VIDEO: Recap of the feud between Ken Shamrock and Moose.
–Alicia Atout is with Moose and some bald white dude. Moose says he faced some of the toughest men in the world as a pro wrestler and he’s defeated them. Bald Dude says Shamrock only has two moves and is not as fast/strong as he used to be. Apparently his name is Frank Trigg. Okay.
“The World’s Most Dangerous Man” Ken Shamrock vs. Moose
Moose’s brother raps him to the ring…and gets cut off mid-song. Ha. Shamrock is fifty-five (55) years old, and I’m still terrified of him.
Moose tries a tilt-a-whirl slam, Shamrock counters with a headscissors and tries for a cross armbreaker but Moose keeps his hands locked. Shamrock transitions into a grapevined Ankle Lock but Moose quickly makes it to the ropes. Matthews says Shamrock is not used to rope breaks despite the fact he’s wrestled for MANY YEARS and in MUCH BIGGER companies. Okay. Shamrock sends Moose to the floor and connects with a FRIGGIN’ TOPE. Amazing. Busting out a new move at 55, I can respect that. Moose goes for a suplex, Shamrock blocks it and tries one of his own but Moose stops that and belts him with a right hand. Moose charges, Shamrock backdrops him onto the ramp. Shamrock applies a Cobra Clutch on the floor but they need to bring it back into the ring. Moose sends Shamrock into the ring post to get some separation. Shamrock tossed into the ring, Shamrock with a slingshot plancha. EAT IT, CAIN VALASQUEZ. Frank Trigg shows up and grabs Shamrock’s ankle, distracting him so Moose can kick the rope into his family jewels. Trigg cuts the top turnbuckle off, exposing the steel. Shamrock blocks eating steel, Moose blocks as well, Shamrock connects with a rana and a belly-to-belly suplex. Shamrock with the Ankle Lock, Moose grabs the official and sends him into Shamrock to knock him out. Moose with a LOW BLOW. Trigg introduces a steel chair, Shamrock tells him to bring it. Shamrock dodges it and sends him into the buckles with a backdrop. Shamrock reapplies the Ankle Lock, Moose makes it to the ropes but Shamrock pulls him back to the center of the ring. Moose teases tapping, Trigg runs in and waddles at Shamrock who drops him with a punch. Moose connects with a pump kick and tries a springboard moonsault but hits nothing but mat BECAUSE NO ONE WAS EVER THERE HAHAHAHA. Shamrock reapplies the Ankle Lock a third time, Moose rolls through supposedly to send Shamrock into the exposed buckle but they booootched it. Moose follows up with the Spear for the 1…2…3.
Moose defeated Ken Shamrock via pinfall (10:48)
- Shamrock did a lot better than I expected, even throwing him some splashes for crazy’s sake, but they beefed that finish real bad and that took a lot of the starch out of it (bonus points for Moose’s moonsault into nothing). Moose at least won though, I was terrified it was going to be the other way around. (**1/4)
-Matthews announces next PPV: Hard to Kill in January. Announcing a PPV without a date, that’s fun.
-VIDEO: Sami Callihan’s rise in Impact/feud with Brian Cage. Callihan goes into his history in the business, his desire to be World Champion, and how the Callihan he’s become is everyone else’s fault. Cool.
NO-DISQUALIFICATION MATCH
“The Machine” Brian Cage [c] vs. Sami Callihan for the IMPACT WORLD CHAMPIONSHIP
Brian Cage comes out in sh*tty Wolverine Weapon X cosplay, claws and all. What a dork. Don’t tell him I said though he could snap me in half.
No introductions for this one as they go after each other immediately. Considering how personal their feud has been this makes sense and I’m happy to see it. Callihan spits in Cage’s face, Cage bites Callihan IN THE FACE. Callihan flips him off, Cage sweeps the legs and belts him rapid forearms. Cage with a discus clothesline, Callihan is busted open from the bite. Cage grabs the Wolverine claw and SCRAPES IT ACROSS CALLIHAN’S FOREHEAD, F*CK. Callihan sends Cage to the apron and connects with a backfist followed by a springboard clothesline. Cage falls to the floor, Callihan belts him with a tope suicida and rolls him in, Cage immediately is back out with a tope con hilo. Cage rolls Callihan in and gloats, Callihan wipes him out again with another tope suicida. Callihan rolls him in, Callihan gloats, Cage with another tope con hilo. Did my Fite feed just rewind or something?!? Callihan gets a hold of a chair and cracks it across his back. Cage has a busted lip, so both men are getting color. Cage fights it off and sends Callihan into the post with a buckle bomb (post bomb)! Callihan launches off the stairs and connects with a forearm, then throws a chair at the champ’s head. Callihan sets up two chairs, Cage back suplexes Callihan onto the ringside table which doesn’t break. OUCH. Cage does it again and only barely cracks the wood. Cage grabs a piece of the guardrail, almost knocking a kid over (HA!), and bridges it on the two chairs and the ring steps. Callihan fights him off and puts him through the guardrail with a piledriver. HOT DAMN.
Callihan rolls Cage into the ring and does a mock Terminator taunt. Callihan with a pump kick, Cage grabs his belt but he breaks the grip and delivers another running boot. He goes for a third, Cage throws him into the corner. Callihan with a backfist, Cage sends him to the apron and kicks him, leading into deadlift suplex from the middle rope. Cage with a kick, back elbow, and release German. Cage counters a kick with a jumping knee and hits an inside out pumphandle slam for the 1…2…Callihan kicks out. Callihan belts Cage with a forearm and counters a leap frog into a death valley driver for the 1…2…Cage kicks out. Cage rolls to the apron, Callihan spikes him with an assisted piledriver for the 1…2…Cage kicks out again. Cage with an F-5 out of nowhere for the 1…2…Callihan kicks out. Ref counted 3 though. Second time this has happened tonight.
Cage throws the dented guardrail into the ring and places it in the corner. Matthews’ voice is almost gone. Feels like that happens a lot too. Callihan catches a charging Cage with a boot, Cage with an enzuigiri. Callihan counters a Superplex by biting him in the ear, Cage blocks a sunset bomb but can’t block the low blow and POWER BOMB INTO THE GUARDRAIL for the 1…2…Cage still kicks out! Callihan introduces the thumbtacks and connects with a Piledriver for the 1…CAGE KICKS OUT AND IS AWAKE. Callihan spits at him, Cage hits a power bomb and the DRILL CLAW on the thumbtacks for the 1…2…3! Oh word?
Brian Cage [c] defeated Sami Callihan via pinfall to retain the IMPACT WORLD CHAMPIONSHIP (16:35)
- The feud has been a personal one, so when they immediately started throwing bombs and trying to kill each other I was super pumped. None of this “we hate each other but it’s still a normal wrestling match, whatever” bullsh*t I’ve been constantly disappointed by. This one felt like a war too and I loved every second of it, from Cage using his goofy Wolverine claws to slice Callihan open to Callihan putting Cage through a guardrail. I am a little shocked to see Cage retain but given that he hasn’t had the chance to really have a title reign I guess Impact wants to actually let him run with it now that he’s healthy. Does this mean Callihan can finally lose to Tessa?!? (****)
Melissa Santos comes out after the match and celebrates with her man and his beautiful penis that people should make molds of. That ends the show.
*****
FINAL THOUGHTS: Once the Gauntlet/technical issues were done, Bound For Glory turned into a helluva show with some good to great matches and some of the most crazy spots I’ve seen on a wrestling show this year (I don’t watch EVERY SINGLE SHOW EVER though so mileage may vary for others). Elgin/Marufuji, the Tag Team & X-Division title matches, and the main event delivered and while the match itself ended up being pretty meh I thought Ken Shamrock looked pretty damn good for a dude who’s 55 and should not be trying topes. I hope Acey Romero is okay. I’m not sure I have enough time in my life to add another weekly TV show to the mix, but Impact did give me a good enough reason to maybe order another PPV from them which is ALSO GOOD I think. I recommend checking this one out, just skip the Gauntlet and you’re golden.
