Venue: Manhattan Center (Manhattan, NY)
Commentators: Vince McMahon, ‘Macho Man’ Randy Savage, & Rob Bartlett
Monday Night Raw returns from the first of its many preemptions this week, featuring the in-ring return of Brutus ‘The Barber’ Beefcake as he takes on ‘The Million Dollar Man’ Ted DiBiase. Also on the show a 16 man battle royal for…no reason really, and The Steiner Brothers rough up another pair of enhancement guys. Let’s go!
Champion Roll-Call
- WWF Champion: Bret ‘Hitman’ Hart
- WWF Intercontinental Champion: Shawn Michaels
- WWF World Tag Team Champions: Money Inc. (‘The Million Dollar Man’ Ted DiBiase & Irwin R. Schyster)
The Lineup
- The Steiner Brothers vs. Glen Ruth & Bobby Who (FUN SQUASH)
- Yokozuna vs. Ross Greenberg (SQUASH)
- 16-man Battle Royal (**)
- Brutus Beefcake vs. Ted DiBiase (*1/2)
*****
Brutus ‘The Barber’ Beefcake and ‘The Million Dollar Man’ Ted DiBiase cut pre-taped promos to hype their match later tonight. Jimmy Hart isn’t okay with DiBiase’s apparent desire to re-break Beefcake’s face. The Mouth of the South has a heart after all! After the intro video we cut to our announce trio at ringside who talk about Beefcake’s ‘inspiring’ comeback.
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The Steiner Brothers (Rick & Scott Steiner) vs. Glen Ruth & Bobby Who
The Steiner Brothers should be given an award for overcoming their goofy 90s entrance gear and still being intimidating. As expected The Steiners get vicious early, dropping Ruth on his head with a full nelson suplex not even a minute in. Who tags in and immediately gets wrecked with an overhead belly-to-belly suplex. Savage is having mic issues and sounds like he’s commentating through a megaphone. Steiners have things easily won but for some reason Rick Steiner decides to sit on a reverse chinlock spot for way longer than necessary. Who tries some forearms and gets a Steinerline for his trouble, then in tags Scott for a gutwrench slam followed by the Steiners’ Doomsday Bulldog finisher.
The Steiner Brothers defeated Glen Ruth & Bobby Who when Scott Steiner pinned Who after a flying bulldog from Rick Steiner (3:33)
- Mostly a fun squash with a pointless chinlock spot thrown in to, I don’t know, kill time I guess? It seemed wholly unnecessary, especially since The Steiners were facing scrubs and not a real team or anything. Felt out of place. Besides that though A+ jobber hunting from the aggro bros. (FUN SQUASH)
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The WrestleMania IX Report
‘Mean’ Gene Okerlund is here in front of a green screen for this week’s Report, sponsored by ICOPRO. Okerlund starts out trying to tell families that Las Vegas is totally fine for families now, which is super sad, then goes into the three announced matches for the show: Bret Hart vs. Yokozuna for the WWF Championship, The Undertaker vs. Giant Gonzalez (OH NO), and Crush vs. Doink The Clown (OH YES). Talk about a happening!
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Yokozuna [w/ Mr. Fuji] vs. Ross Greenberg
Greenberg wins with a Shooting Star Press. Just kidding Yoko flattens him in short order with the Banzai Drop. I TOTALLY HAD YOU THOUGH, WAKKA WAKKA.
Yokozuna defeated Ross Greenberg via pinfall with the Banzai Drop (2:02)
- I mean not much to say about this, ya know? (SQUASH)
After the match Savage steals Bartlett’s mic, putting him on megaphone duty I guess.
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WWF Magazine Special Report
‘Lord’ Alfred Hayes is here from the WWF Control Room for the second report in like five minutes. After pimping the upcoming Posters edition of the Magazine, he goes into footage from last week’s Superstars where Jim Duggan became the “first man” to knock Yokozuna off his feet (guys, I saw the Royal Rumble with my own face). He couldn’t get the win though, thanks to a bucket full of salt and a Banzai Drop, but Yoko added insult to injury by draping the U.S. flag over Duggan’s body and hitting another Banzai Drop, leaving ‘Hacksaw’ to be carted out on a stretcher. OFF TO WCW YOU GO DU-oh wait he’s still around for a little while longer, my bad.
—
Cut back to the announce table where they announce that Giant Gonzalez has been pulled from the 16-man battle royal at the request of the other participants. Apparently they’re afraid of a challenge. We then get footage from last week’s Superstars where Gonzalez easily wins a 3-on-1 handicap match via countout out of fear.
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16-Man Battle Royal
Here are the participants: Razor Ramon, Shawn Michaels, Kamala [w/ Reverend Slick], ‘The Birdman’ Koko B. Ware, ‘Iron’ Mike Sharpe, Kimchee, Tatanka, The Berzerker (EYYYY!), Owen Hart, Damien Demento, ‘El Matador’ Tito Santana, Bob Backlund, Skinner (EYYYYY!), ‘Terrific’ Terry Taylor, and Typhoon.
Everyone starts on the floor and run in as the bell rings, but don’t worry it isn’t a reverse battle royal or anything stupid. Just a plain ol’ battle royal. Ware is the first man out, courtesy of a backdrop by Michaels. After some clubberin’ and near eliminations Skinner is the next one out after a clothesline from behind by Typhoon. Kamala eliminates Demento, Owen Hart gets dumped out by Berzerker after trying a sleeperhold. Kamala gets his second elimination, eliminating Berzerker with a savate kick. Typhoon eliminates Kamala with help but Kimchee, his former handler. Kamala angrily re-enters the ring and out goes Kimchee. Kamala chases Kimchee through the crowd, Slick helplessly trying to stop it, as we go to commercial.
Back live and there appear to be seven guys left: Michaels, Tatanka, Taylor, Santana, Backlund, Typhoon, & Ramon. Kamala is still on the chase, now in the balcony. Michaels manages to power Typhoon up and eliminate him, apparently Backlund and Taylor got eliminated too but off-camera during Kamala’s chase. Four left: Ramon, Michaels, Santana, and Tatanka. Santana and Ramon pair off, while Michaels works Tatanka over in the corner with jabs. Apparently Tatanka beat Michaels in a non-title match on Superstars so they’ve got beef. My kingdom for old Superstars episodes on the WWE Network. Bartlett has been inaudible this whole match due to the broken mic; I forgot he was still here until they brought it up on commentary. Ha. Santana and Tatanka double team Michaels, who oversells like a madman until he gets eliminated via double kick. Tatanka and Santana keep on Ramon as Giant Gonzalez [w/ Harvey Wippleman] shows up to get revenge for being voted out of the battle royal. WHY NOBODY WANNA BE MY FRIEND? Gonzalez throws Tatanka and Santana out, giving Ramon the win by default but Gonzalez celebrates by pretending he won. Gonzalez leaves and Ramon is officially announced the victor.
Razor Ramon won a 16-man battle royal (13:30 or so)
- A pointless battle royal with nothing at stake but it got The Berzerker and Skinner some TV time on the shiny new toy of a show so that’s cool for me looking back. I also enjoyed Kamala chasing Kimchee around the arena, that was pretty funny. Having Gonzalez eliminate Tatanka and Santana was a bit of a cop-out but it is what it is, I would ruin a party too if I wasn’t invited. (**)
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Brutus ‘The Barber’ Beefcake vs. ‘The Million Dollar Man’ Ted DiBiase [w/ ‘The Mouth of the South’ Jimmy Hart]
Hey it’s a WrestleMania V rematch! DiBiase wants to lock up, Beefcake wants to strut and show off his NEON ORANGE tights. McMahon says that Hulk Hogan is at home watching his best friend’s return to the ring, further hinting at a return. Beefcake ducks a clothesline and connects with a whole lot of rights that send DiBiase rolling out to the floor. DiBiase tries his luck again but ends up on the floor once more, frustrating The Million Dollar Man. Beefcake once again thwarts DiBiase’s attempts to hurt his surgically-repaired face and slaps on a side headlock as Irwin R. Schyster shows up at ringside. DiBiase whips Beefcake off and IRS belts him in the back with his steel briefcase, ending the match.
Brutus Beefcake defeated Ted DiBiase via DQ (4:26)
- It was obvious Beefcake needed to work some rust off in this one so they kept it brief and simple, focusing the story on DiBiase’s attempts to hurt Beefcake’s face and Beefcake continually evading it. It was fine. (*1/2)
Money Inc. put the boots to Beefcake, and IRS grabs his steel briefcase. DiBiase holds Beefcake, Hart pleading for them not to do this. IRS throws Hart out of the ring and IRS hits a home run shot into the cranium. Beefcake sells it as he should and Hart runs back in to cover him from further punishment, turning face for I think the first time in his managerial career. DiBiase grabs the briefcase so he can have a turn and once again Hart gets in their way and Money Inc. relents, pleased with the damage they’ve already done. Beefcake, clutching his face, gets stretchered out of the ring. This is way more effective than Beefcake’s ‘woe as me’ promo from last week. A camera focuses on what appears to be blood on the canvas.
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After a commercial break McMahon says Beefcake is alright and there’s no major damage, then teases that Hulk Hogan may be on next week’s show to come to the aid of his best friend. OH SNAP.
*****
Final Thoughts: An entertaining Monday Night Raw this week, with a fun Steiners squash, a pointless but decent battle royal, and a solid angle to close the show and tease the return of the WWF’s biggest star ever (at the time). Nothing you need to go out of your way to see, but worthwhile background noise for sure.
- Best Match: 16-man Battle Royal
- Worst Match: Yokozuna vs. Ross Greenberg
- Best Moment: Rob Bartlett gets silenced halfway through the show, never to return…until next week
- Worst Moment: Jim Duggan getting the credit for taking Yoko off his feet for the first time
