COMMENTATORS: Rich Bocchini & Tony Schiavone
It’s Street Fight time this week on Fusion as Salina de la Renta is forced to pit her charges LA Park and Jimmy Havoc against each other because a creepy dude stole her phone and wants to creepy about it. Speaking of de la Renta Mance Warner is also in action against one of her Dorado charges Ricky Martinez, and Austin Aries takes on Ace Austin. Oh whoa I forgot about Aries.
CHAMPIONS
- MLW WORLD HEAVYWEIGHT CHAMPION: “The Samoan Werewolf” Jacob Fatu
- MLW NATIONAL OPENWEIGHT CHAMPION: Alexander Hammerstone
- MLW WORLD MIDDLEWEIGHT CHAMPION: Teddy Hart
- MLW WORLD TAG TEAM CHAMPIONS: The Dynasty (Maxwell Jacob Friedman & Richard Holliday)
LINEUP
- Mance Warner vs. Ricky Martinez (NR)
- Ace Austin vs. Austin Aries (**1/4)
- NYC DEATH MATCH: LA Park vs. Jimmy Havoc (*1/2)
*****
–Mance Warner has a sponsorship deal (a CHAINSAW) and vows to show it off tonight against Ricky Ortiz.
-After Bocchini runs down tonight’s show we go to the ring where Salina de la Renta introduces Ricky Martinez to the ring.
—
Mance Warner vs. Ricky “El Sicario” Martinez [presented by Salina de la Renta]
Martinez kicks the middle rope into Warner’s jewels and follows up with a springboard dropkick as the bell rings. Warner responds with a whole lot of chops, Martinez stuns him with a kick and connects with a cutter but it only gets a one-count. Warner gets FIRED UP as he asks for Martinez to keep hitting him. Warner with a big ol’ slap, Martinez with a codebreaker for a two-count. Warner counters a flying Martinez with a headbutt. Kneepad up, kneepad down, running knee and a lariat for the 1…2…3.
Mance Warner defeated Ricky Martinez via pinfall with a lariat (2:14)
- Easy win for Ol’ Mancer as his war with Promociones Dorado continues. Martinez gets punked out in short order for the second time since I started watching MLW, looks like he’s on his way out of de la Renta’s entourage. Poor guy. Not a lot to talk about match-wise tbh and never really got going so I’m not going to bother rating it. (NR)
Warner cracks a (light) beer, Salina slaps Warner and spits in his face. Warner goes to spit back but hits Martinez instead. Salina walks off, Warner cracks Martinez with his can of (light) beer and leaves as well.
—
-LIFESTYLES OF THE RICH AND DYNASTIC: Richard Holliday is in the Dynasty’s Las Vegas penthouse, decked out in a robe while smoking a cigar and drinking something expensive. Holliday talks about how they have almost all the gold and blah blah, then a lady off-screen shows up and Holliday starts disrobing. Luckily we cut just in time to avoid THE D*CK.
-LAST WEEK: Alexander Hammerstone beats Savio Vega, Vega’s legs crumple awkwardly during the Night Terror Pendulum. He’s legit injured apparently. DAMN.
-TWO WEEKS AGO: Marshall Von Erich is blinded by new CONTRA Unit member Ikuro Kwon.
–Marshall Von Erich checks in from his home in Hawaii, thanking the fans for their support. His eyesight is not back yet, but it’s getting there. He vows to be at War Chamber fighting with his brothers, and is bringing his dad Kevin Von Erich as well to be their General. AW MAN I’M GONNA MISS KEVIN VON ERICH LIVE? Damn.
-Salina de la Renta’s interview is interrupted by Konnan and the cell phone he stole. He says she will honor his three demands and they’re non-negotiable. Ughhhhh.
-H2TV: Teddy Hart’s cats are hanging out in the hotel bathroom while Teddy smokes a J. Brian Pillman Jr. shows off Alexander Hammerstone’s jacket which he stole last week. Hart makes fun of The Dynasty and Hammerstone’s tight pants. Pillman pees on the jacket. OH NO WHAT WILL HAMMERSTONE DO BESIDES BUY A NEW ONE?
—
Ace Austin vs. Austin Aries
Aries’ hobo beard is ON POINT, he looks like post-talk show David Letterman but angrier. Aries has his sights on the Middleweight Title currently held by Teddy Hart and is working up the ranks, which has a 205-pound limit. 205, huh? Hmmmm.
Jokes abound from Bocchini and Schiavone because they both have an Austin in their name, Bocchini throwing in a “boo urns” joke to boot. Good man. Aries brings Austin to the mat with an abdominal stretch into a side headlock. Austin escapes with a wristlock, Aries flippy-dos out and reverses, bringing Austin to his knees. Austin escapes with a forearm and they reset. Aries cartwheels around Austin and rings his bell with a head clap. Austin catches Aries with a shoulder to the gut but misses a springboard legdrop that Aries was NEVER there for. Aries seats him up and connects with a flying elbow to the back for a one-count. Austin gives Aries an “Ace” card to distract him for a VERY SLOW forearm. That felt weird. Aries to the apron, Austin escapes a neckbreaker attempt and connects with a knee followed by a blockbuster. Aries falls to the floor, Austin with a PK. Aries kicks out of a lateral press, Austin continues working on the veteran. Aries with a surprise roll-up for 2, Austin belts him with a forearm and a legdrop for the 1…2…Aries kicks out. Aries with a series of elbows, Austin crotches him into a tree of woe for some stomps. Aries mounts a comeback, connecting with a rolling forearm and a neckbreaker over the middle rope. Austin falls to the floor, Aries connects with a tope suicida between the middle and bottom rope. Aries to the top, Austin rolls to the opposite corner to stop his momentum. Austin tries to use his, uh, magic stick. Ref takes it, Austin with a low-blow and roll-up for the 1…2…Aries kicks out. Austin charges, Aries catches him with a Brainbuster for the 1…2…3!
Austin Aries defeated Ace Austin via pinfall with the Brainbuster (8:45)
- Aries gets another win heading into an eventual showdown with Teddy Hart for the Middleweight Title. The match was fine but I was expecting something A LOT better, which is a mistake I keep making with matches in this company. Gotta lower my expectations a little bit. I need to see Ace Austin a more competitive match sometime, I hear good things. (**1/4)
Aries grabs a mic and says to clean up his house before he starts to talk. What? Aries says the last time he left NYC it was a little controversial (referencing his post-match walkout at last year’s Bound For Glory). Aries says everything people have said about him is bullsh*t and calls this next chapter of his career “The Reveal”. Aries says Teddy Hart has the target around his weight and he’s coming for it. K.
—
–Alexander Hammerstone and The Dynasty are accosted in the parking lot by a camera guy. They are disgusted by Pillman stealing his leather jacket. Aria Blake gives Hammerstone his pee-covered jacket, Hammerstone says it smells like cat piss. Wrong animal, bro.
-Kickboxer Douglas James is making his MLW debut in Dallas on September 7th. MLW is also partnering up with some company for athlete development and analytics.
-WAR CHAMBER CONTROL CENTER: MLW will be celebrating the life and legacy of Gary Hart at the event as they’ll be in Texas. Tom Lawlor & The Von Erich Bros. still have not revealed their mystery partner who will join them in the Chamber against CONTRA Unit.
—
NYC STREET FIGHT
LA Park vs. Jimmy Havoc
This one of Konnan’s “three demands”, I guess Konnan is secretly a death match fanatic. LA Park is better known to us WCW diehards as La Parka but he had to change his name because one of the Lucha companies in Mexico owns it. That’s disappointing but at least he got to keep the costume and gimmick. Streamers for both men, maybe the crowd will actually give a sh*t on this show now.
Park immediately puts the chair to use as the bell rings. Park plays to the crowd and gives Havoc like an hour to regroup so he dodges the second shot and connects with a hip toss followed by three kicks that sends him to the floor. Havoc connects with a tope suicida and uses Park’s own chair against him. Havoc cracks Park with a metal trash can, then grabs cookie sheets and a STAPLE GUN from under the ring. Havoc belts Park with the sheets, sandwiching the skeleton’s head. Havoc keeps digging for more plunder, hitting Park with a piece of ring plank. More chairshots from Havoc, Salina de la Renta is shown watching from a safe distance as her two clients beat each other up. Havoc tries to set the plank up on two chairs but fails, boring Park so much that he throws a trash can at him. Back in the ring Havoc double stomps a chair into Park for the 1…2…nope. Havoc with a bulldog on the ring board for the 1…2…Park kicks out again. Park with a headbutt and a lariat, Havoc sends him throat-first into the middle rope. Havoc charges, Park with a big boot and a running knee for the 1…2…Havoc kicks out. Havoc in a tree of woe, Park splinters the ring board into him with a dropkick. Park grabs another ring board and sets it up on chairs. Park lays Havoc across it but misses a double stomp (?) and he goes through the board.
Havoc beats on Park with a broken piece of the board, Havoc rolls in and Park fights him off from the apron. Park to the top, Havoc with a series of European uppercuts and a chair shot. Havoc with a middle-buckle Superplex for the 1…2…Park kicks out. Havoc uses the staple gun on Park which doesn’t really get much of a reaction (from the crowd or Park). Havoc sets up three chairs in the corner. More stapling. Park charges, Havoc with a drop toehold into the chairs, Park responds with a POWERSLAM through the chairs for the 1…2…Havoc gets his shoulder up. Park with a corkscrew senton and a spear into the chairs for the 1…2…3.
LA Park defeated Jimmy Havoc via pinfall with a spear into chairs (12:42)
- A slow plodding “street fight” where each man kept waiting for the other to set things up. It was not very good, though the final two chair spots livened it up at the end I guess. What a letdown. (*1/2)
Salina enters the ring, Havoc offers a handshake to Park. Park refuses. Salina gets on the mic and tells Park to shake Havoc’s hand. Park finally does so and raises Havoc’s arm, then they take money from the canvas that the crowd is throwing? Fair enough. Salina brags about Promociones Dorado until she’s interrupted by Mance Warner who comes through the crowd with his CHAINSAAAAAW. Salina and company run for it as Warner dances with the chainsaw.
*****
FINAL THOUGHTS: Honestly I’m not sure how much longer I’m going to keep watching Fusion on a weekly basis; it always seems so damn good when I’m about to watch the show but then it actually happens and it’s disappointing. I like some of the roster (Mance Warner is my kind of dude) but the storylines aren’t interesting, the action feels weirdly lifeless, and the commentary is disjointed. I’m going to hang onto War Chamber and reassess from there, I guess.
