By Jon
COMMENTATORS: Tom Phillips & Samoa Joe
WWE Main Event this week features a match that should probably be on one of the actual main roster shows people watch as Jeff Hardy takes on Ricochet. Also The Miz and John Morrison welcome Retribution to MizTV.
…
Are we SURE this is an episode of Main Event?
LINEUP
- Jeff Hardy vs. Ricochet (**1/2)
*****
MIZ TV
Phillips welcomes the home audience as we join The Miz and John Morrison in the ring. Miz asks what tomorrow is, Morrison says a new episode of Miz & Mrs. Also Thanksgiving. They go through what they’re thankful for: Miz being Money in the Bank, Miz & Morrison being the greatest tag team of the 21st century. Miz introduces their guests tonight: Mustafa Ali and the goofs of Retribution (Slapjack, T-Bar, Mace, & Reckoning). Miz & Morrison dance to Retribution’s theme as they make their way out, Ali is not amused.
Miz says this is a show where they ask hard-hitting questions, Morrison quickly asks why they all have weird names. Ali is not surprised a question came from a small-minded man. Ali says he has been judged his entire life because of his name and how he looks, and he wants Retribution to know that reality so he gave them names & masks to be mocked and judged. Yeah that’s it, WWE totally made them look stupid on purpose. I buy that. Reckoning, the lady of the group, says that being a good girl got her nowhere and it was never enough. They all turned their backs on her and she turned their backs on them. Mace complains about being hired to be stuck at the WWE Performance Center year after year, taking away the one opportunity they gave him quickly. Somehow it turned him into a Mace? Slapjack, speaking with a death metal growl, says he was lost but then he was found and turned into a weapon for Retribution. T-Bar, the Bane-iest of them all, says WWE is a wasteland filled with betrayal and deception which he knows better than anyone because he experienced it first-hand. Retribution will make each and every one pay for those sins.
Ali says they are going to be respected but in comes 24/7 Champion R-Truth, running from The Gobbledy Gooker. Truth bails, Mace & T-Bar drill Gooker with a double chokeslam.
- I know I chide Main Event a lot for having matches that don’t matter but I’ll take a hundred Carrillo/Tozawa matches over whatever this bullsh*t was. I’ve been lucky to avoid a lot of Retribution because I don’t watch RAW, but OH BOY it’s even worse than I’d heard. Ali feels way miscast here, the only serious one in a group of dorks growl-talking and trying to turn their sh*tty gimmick into something workable by saying it was meant to be humiliating. Awful. Just awful. F*ck this sh*t.
Jeff Hardy vs. Ricochet
WWE going Sour Patch Kids on me by following up something sour with something sweet. I see you. Hardy/Ricochet seems like a match that should have a MUCH grander stage than Main Event but I’m not going to complain too much. Otherwise Miz TV might happen again somehow.
Bell rings and Elias shows up on the stage to sing a song, Ricochet and Hardy ignore him and start the match. Hardy blocks a hip toss and hits one of his own, then stares at Elias wondering what the hell is going on. Ricochet floats over Hardy and rolls under a clothesline, taking him down with a headstand headscissors and dropkick. Ricochet sends Hardy to the floor, misses a slingshot splash and eats a dropkick through the ropes, Hardy follows up with a clothesline from the apron as Elias keeps singing and the show goes to commercial.
Back to the show, Hardy has Ricochet in a chinlock WHILE ELIAS IS STILL PLAYING. Ricochet escapes, Hardy catches him with a back elbow only gets him a one-count. Hardy connects with a snapmare and dropkick to the back of the head for a two-count. Ricochet fights back, connecting with a roll-up dropkick. Ricochet goes on a comeback string of strikes followed by a corner splash and slingshot clothesline, Elias is now just making up random lyrics. Standing shooting star, Hardy kicks out at two. Hardy catches Ricochet with an inverted atomic drop, legdrop, dropkick, and splash for the 1…2…Ricochet kicks out. Ricochet counters a suplex and sends Hardy into the corner, Hardy hits him with a back elbow and hits Whisper in the Wind for the 1…2…Ricochet gets the shoulder up. Ricochet counters Twist of Fate with a backslide for the 1…2…3!
Ricochet defeated Jeff Hardy via pinfall (7:21 shown)
- Elias’ feud with Jeff Hardy is neverending and bled into Main Event, his singing ruining what was otherwise a pretty damn good match; the first one ever between the two if the commentary is to be believed. How disappointing. I get what they were trying to do I guess and it was supposed to be obnoxious, but it doesn’t mean it was fun to watch. Jesus christ. (**1/2)
Hardy rolls out of the ring and stares daggers at Elias he walks by. Elias keeps going and going, Hardy finally puts an end to it with another guitar to the back. Hardy gives the thumbs up to Ricochet for getting the win then walks off, Elias trembling from being hit.
- Ricochet got the win but Hardy got the shine and the attention with the guitar shot. Cool.
*****
FINAL THOUGHTS: What a f*cking monkey’s paw episode of Main Event; I’d been wishing for some actual tangible stuff to happen on this show and WWE responded with an awful Miz TV segment and a really cool match that was just backdrop for a feud I have no interest in and has been going on since I was in the WWF AOL chat room during the Attitude Era. F*ck. F*ck, man.
