COMMENTATORS: Josh Matthews & Madison Rayne
This week’s Impact Wrestling features fallout from this past Sunday’s Bound For Glory plus the long-awaited wedding between Rosemary and John E. Bravo which definitely goes off without a hitch as all pro wrestling weddings do.
- IMPACT WORLD CHAMPION: Rich Swann
- IMPACT KNOCKOUTS CHAMPION: Su Yung
- IMPACT X-DIVISION CHAMPION: Rohit Raju
- IMPACT WORLD TAG TEAM CHAMPIONS: The North (“All Ego” Ethan Page & “The Walking Weapon” Josh Alexander)
- IMPACT KNOCKOUTS TAG TEAM CHAMPIONS: Vacant
- Rich Swann [c] vs. Eric Young for the IMPACT WORLD CHAMPIONSHIP (**1/2)
- HARDCORE HALLOWEEN MATCH: Tommy Dreamer vs. Brian Myers (*3/4)
- The Rascalz vs. XXXL (**)
- Jordynne Grace & Alisha vs. Kiera Hogan & Tasha Steelz (**)
-OPENING VIDEO: Clips from Bound For Glory, highlighting every match result.
–Eric Young attacks Rich Swann backstage, the fight leading into the “arena”. Swann sent rolling down the ramp, Young grabs the Impact World Championship, Swann ducks the belt shot and lays in shots of his own but gets sent into the ring steps. Young yells “YOU BROUGHT THIS ON YOURSELF” and continues the assault, Swann throws Young into the ringpost. This is like an empty arena match. Young chokes Swann with his own shirt; any…anybody want to stop this? No? Okay continue. Fight ends up in the ring, Swann superkicks Young and wants to go for a splash but gets crotched. Ah I remember street fighting back in the day, when I would moonsault my opponents. FINALLY security and refs come out to break things up, Scott D’Amore in tow. Young screams that he wants his rematch NOW, D’Amore says this isn’t how you do it. D’Amore refuses and tells security to get him out of here, telling Young this isn’t how to do things. Swann, however, says if Young wants the rematch he’s ready right NOW. D’Amore asks him if he’s sure, they fist bump, and the match is made for RIGHT NOW.
Rich Swann [c] vs. Eric Young for the IMPACT WORLD CHAMPIONSHIP
Swann wrestles barefoot in slacks. Young misses a top rope splash, Swann connects with a series of kicks to the midsection followed by a somersault legdrop for the 1…2…Young kicks out. Swann connects with another superkick, rolling splash for the 1…2…Young kicks out again. Young counters a rana attempt with a powerbomb that sends Swann halfway across the ring for the 1…2…champ kicks out and Young yells in frustration. Swann connects with a superkick, back handspring cutter, and a Phoenix Splash from the middle buckle for the 1…2…3!
Rich Swann [c] defeated Eric Young via pinfall to retain the IMPACT WORLD CHAMPIONSHIP (3:24)
- Young tried to manipulate the situation and goad Swann into a rematch when he wasn’t ready, but Swann refused to cave in and got the win. Quick match but it was fun; their BFG match rocked so they got a lot of goodwill with me. (**1/2)
–Havok exits a strobe-filled locker room, Navaeh asks if it’s done. Havok says “he’s back” and the wedding is on. Navaeh has a bad feeling about this. Oh booooy.
-Various Knockouts and Kaleb with a K knock at the Management’s door. Kaleb says the tournament for the Knockouts Tag Team Championship begins in three weeks. Everyone seems to pair off except Alisha Edwards. Kiera Hogan and Tasha Steelz throw shade, Jordynne Grace comes to her defense. Tag team match set for tonight, Alisha immediately makes Grace regret it.
HARDCORE HALLOWEEN MATCH
Tommy Dreamer vs. Brian Myers
Myers dresses the street fight part, Dreamer continues his Road Warrior Animal homage from Bound For Glory. His spiky vest does rock. Dreamer tosses Myers to the floor, suplex on the ramp. Dreamer grabs a baseball jersey (?) from a trash bag of weapons, choking Myers with it. Myers catches Dreamer with an elbow to avoid going into the spiky vest and sends him into the ring steps. Myers tries to lift up a different garbage can, Dreamer attacks from behind and throws at his foe. Dreamer is excited about what else is in the can, gingerly puts it in the ring so’s not to reveal the surprise. Dreamer rings the timekeeper’s bell on Myers’ family jewels, Myers responds with an atomic drop onto the guardrail. Myers follows up with a garbage can to the skull for the 1…2…kickout. Falls count anywhere apparently, right on. Myers tries to bring the dented trash can into the ring, Dreamer sends it into his skull with a baseball slide, Myers counters a flying Tommy with a Wet Floor Sign I think as the show goes to commercial.
Back to the match, Myers slingshots Dreamer into a kendo stick hanging across the bottom buckle. A most professional move by the most professional wrestler. Back suplex, Dreamer kicks out at 1. Myers opens a bag of apples (?!?), spitting it in his face because he isn’t cool (YESSSS). Matthews thinks the apples are probably poison. I think he just hates fruit. Chair set up, Myers sweeps the legs and sends Dreamer into the seat. Dreamer mounts a comeback with the Dusty jabs and Bionic Elbow, and connects with a cutter for the 1…2…Myers kicks out. Dreamer retrieves a mysterious black bag full of…THUMBTACKS AND CANDY CORN? This really is a Hardcore Halloween. Myers thumbs Dreamer in the eye, Dreamer bites him and shoves him off the middle buckle into the tacks and corn for the 1…2…Myers pops up a shoulder up, screaming bloody murder. Naturally up next is a table, set up in the corner. Myers clotheslines Dreamer into the tacks & corn. Myers says this is Dreamer’s last match ever and he’s going to end him. Myers measures Dreamer with a kendo stick, out comes Swoggle from the trash can put in the ring earlier, using BBQ tongs to squash the family jewels, Dreamer finishes things off with a Death Valley Driver through the table for the 1…2…3.
Tommy Dreamer defeated Brian Myers via pinfall (11:38 shown)
- Comedy hardcore match, which was entertaining to an extent. I liked candy corn and apples being weapons for added goofiness. Dreamer finally gets a win over Myers after coming up short three times, and I guess this feud will continue? I feel like Myers deserves to move onto something else. (*3/4)
–Gia Miller interviews Heath and Rhino. Rhino says he’s going to cash in so he and Heath can challenge for the Impact Tag Team Championship once Heath is healthy again. Heath will be signing the contract HE wanted next week. Miller asks Heath how he’s feeling, he says he feels great. Miller says it looks like Heath got hurt during the Call Your Shot gauntlet, both deny it and play it off.
- Heath pretending he’s fine to make sure he can sign his Impact contract is a nice way to write his injury on Sunday into the story. Well-played.
–Fallah Bahh stopped backstage by Reno Scum and Hernandez. Hernandez wants an apology from Bahh for stealing his money and wants it back. Bahh says he doesn’t have the money; he admits to stealing it for John E. Bravo. They leave to go find the groom, but not before Luster The Legend gives him a punch to the gut. Bahh pulls the wad of cash out of his trunks and says he has a bad feeling about this.
- I’m starting to think this wedding is going to be ruined.
The Rascalz (Dez & Wentz) vs. XXXL (Acey Romero & Larry D)
Dez & Wentz hold TWO victories over XXXL already, but here we go again. Rascalz attack early, Romero flattens Wetz to stop the momentum. Larry D tags in, works Wentz over with corner shoulders and a Greco-Roman stomp to the hand. Wentz fights out of the corner with a flurry of strikes and kicks on Romero, Romero grabs him and squashes the back to prevent a tag. Larry D with a kick, Dez breaks up the pinfall attempt. Larry D with the World’s Strongest Slam for the 1…2…Wentz gets the shoulder up. Romero stumbles into a boot and flying knee from Wentz, Dez gets the hot tag. Dez levels Larry D in the corner with a series of strikes followed by a cannonball to the back for the 1…2…kickout. Rascalz with a bunch of back handspring moves, Larry D turns Dez inside out with a lariat for the 1…2…not yet. Larry D slowly climbs the buckles, Wentz belts him with a forearm, Rascalz want to do a double superplex. Romero intervenes, an uppercut for Dez and a urinage for Wentz, Larry D finishes the climb and connects with a flying splash for the 1…2…3.
XXXL defeated The Rascalz via pinfall (5:42)
- Eyyyy XXXL finally got a win over The Rascalz and all it took was Larry D having to think like a lightweight. Respect. Now wrestle other teams, y’all. (**)
-”Barrister” RD Evans meets with Scott D’Amore, representing Deonna Purrazzo (and by proxy Kimber Lee). Evans says he could shut the entire company down but instead gives D’Amore an option: strip Su Yung of the Knockouts Title and give it back to Purrazzo. D’Amore says he can take care of this right now, why wait. Purrazzo thinks this will be good.
- Eyyyy, nice to see RD Evans up and about.
–Gia Miller is with The Motor City Machine Guns, Alex Shelley in a neckbrace. Shelley says his neck hurts bad and will hurt for two months, Chris Sabin says The North made it personal on Sunday. Sabin says he was never pinned so they never lost their titles. Acey Romero interrupts, saying XXXL should be the #1 contenders for the Tag Team Titles. Sabin is confused as to why they’re here since he doesn’t have any snacks, Larry D throws shade back. Shelley tells them to go, XXXL walk off. MCMG try to get back to their interview, XXXL sandwich Shelley instead. Shouldn’t have made fat jokes.
Scott D’Amore is in the ring. D’Amore recaps the threat from Barrister Evans to harm Impact Wrestling; D’Amore says he and the management team have reviewed the evidence and says Su Yung is the rightful Impact Knockouts Champion. Naturally he gets interrupted by “The Virtuosa” Deonna Purrazzo, Kimber Lee, and Barrister RD Evans. Evans call this D’Amore’s biggest mistake and says the only reason Su Yung came to the ring to challenge for the Knockouts Championship is because “something” happened to Kylie Rae…possibly at the hands of her best friend Su Yung. Evans says if this is the activity D’Amore wants to endorse that’s his choice but it’s he and his client’s choice to take this to court, however long it’ll take. Evans says D’Amore might win the case, but asks how long it’ll take and how much that’s going to cost, and says he can end it right now by stripping Yung of the championship. D’Amore tells Evans to back off before he slaps the many teeth out of his mouth; he says Impact loves a good lawsuit and if Evans wants to play it this way then so be it. D’Amore says Purrazzo deserves her day in court and it could take a bunch of years, OR Purrazzo can be what she’s meant to be: a competitor. D’Amore offers her a choice: 4-6 years in court or step up to be the wrestler she’s supposed to be and have her contractually obligated rematch next week. Evans “consults” with his client, and says she agrees to his terms.
LIGHTS GO RED and out comes Su Yung, the undead bride stumbling to the ring like the monster she is. Yung with double Mandible Claws to Evans and Lee, and mist to D’Amore. Purrazzo attacks, Yung puts HER in the Mandible Claw.
- That felt like A LOT of unnecessary talking to get to the point. Evans is a great smarmy lawyer though so I didn’t hate all of it. Interesting they’re keeping Kylie Rae part of the storyline, still not sure what happened to her, but it makes sense to infer that Yung attacked her.
–Rich Swann celebrates with The Rascalz and Willie Mack when they’re interrupted by a suited-up Moose. Moose asks why Swann is celebrating for being “second best”. He says he has the TNA World Heavyweight Championship so that makes HIM number one. Moose tells Swann that he’s happy to get his hands on anything since he came from a poor home; this sets Swann off and he has to be removed by The Rascalz. Mack stays behind, Moose asks the “sidekick” if he wants to do this. Moose says HE will decide when he does something. Swann cools off and leaves The Rascalz, walking into Ken Shamrock and Sami Callihan. Callihan tells Swann he’ll be hearing a lot from them going forward.
- Good showcase for Swann’s potential opponents. Moose’s narrative apparently involves losing the personality and talking REAL SLOW AND MENANCING-LIKE. Fair enough.
-BOUND FOR GLORY: Ken Shamrock gets inducted in the Impact Wrestling Hall of Fame, which both celebrates “The World’s Most Dangerous Man” and gives Impact yet ANOTHER chance to showcase the fact that Dwayne “The Rock” Johnson recorded a message for him. They’re going to beat that into the ground. Comes off real desperate and sad, like when someone on Twitter goes CRAZY when a celebrity likes their tweet.
–The North talk to randos about how to be a tag team. The Good Brothers interrupt, Ethan Page mocks them for getting paid so much to come up short for the Tag Team Championship. Doc Gallows mocks Page, Page slaps him and a pull apart brawl ensues.
- It’s the money match to have but for me personally I could care less. Put The North against a good team.
-IMPACT PLUS FLASHBACK MOMENT OF THE WEEK: Rohit Raju takes a countout loss to Willie Mack at Victory Road 2020 to retain his X-Division Title.
–Rohit Raju is sitting around looking antsy. Jimmy Jacobs shows up, apologizing, but notices there’s not a party. Raju says there will be one, he’s just the first to arrive, and brags about beating five of the best pro wrestlers to retain his title at Bound For Glory. Raju says it’s time to celebrate, Jacobs mentions that TJP had the match won until Raju stole it. Raju kicks Jacobs out of his one-man party, saying he doesn’t get the party favor. Well we can guess who his next challenger is. Also I’d hang out with Rohit Raju, people are dumb.
–John E. Bravo confronts Fallah Bahh, dressed as the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man, saying that he’s going to tell Hernandez that Bahh stole the money and will have to deal with the consequences. Bravo tells Bahh he’s dead to him. Johnny Swinger walks in, laughs, and says he has a bad feeling about this.
Jordynne Grace & Alisha vs. Kiera Hogan & Tasha Steelz
Steelz shows off her guns and asks for a test of strength. Grace brings her down to the mat with one hand. Steelz escapes with forearms, gets bodied with a pair of dropkicks. Steelz bails to the floor, Grace wants to take flight, but Alisha tries to be a good partner by bring Steelz back in and ruining her plan. Oops. Hogan tags in and wants to fight Alisha. Alisha tags in, Thesz Press and forearms. Alisha with a senton to the back, Hogan kicks out of the lateral press. Alisha misses a corner splash, Hogan connects with a kick but gets felled with a clothesline after attempting a backdrop. Grace tells Alisha to bring her to the corner, Grace tags in and hits a slam. Alisha sits on Grace’s shoulders and Grace throws her on Hogan. Grace goes for the cover but apparently the ref never saw the tag in the first place. Alisha walks right into a superkick, Hogan talks trash as the show goes to commercial.
Back to the show, Hogan takes a lap around the ring and belts Alisha with a dropkick in the corner for a two-count. Alisha catches Hogan with a flatliner and covers for a one-count instead of making the tag. This allows Hogan to back Alisha back into their corner so Steelz can tag in and stomp. Steelz runs into a boot, Alisha connects with a series of forearms but gets intercepted mid-tag attempt with a spinebuster for the 1…2…kickout. Alisha sends Steelz into Hogan, bulldog to Steelz. Grace gets the tag, clotheslines and elbows to everybody. Grace slams Steelz on Hogan, covers Steelz for the 1…2…kickout. Grace sends Steelz into the corner, double knees to the back and a splash, VADER BOMB for the 1…2…Hogan breaks it up. Grace tosses Hogan out, Alisha tags in and gets sent right into a knee from Steelz. Steelz hits Grace with a back elbow. Alisha charges, Steelz side steps and she runs into her own partner, Steelz rolls Alisha up for the 1…2…3.
Kiera Hogan & Tasha Steelz defeated Jordynne Grace & Alisha via pinfall (8:22 shown)
- Hogan & Steelz were great as always, and Alisha trying and failing to grasp the tag team concept was pretty fun. If Hogan & Steelz don’t win the titles that’ll be a damn shame. (**)
Grace and Alisha get into a shoving match, Grace leaves unimpressed.
–Willie Mack stops outside to take a selfie with a fan (?), Moose attacks him and steals the phone as the show goes to commercial.
- Where was that fan’s mask?!?
–Taya Valkyrie, looking like an extra in a Tim Burton extra, meets up with Rosemary (dressed as Beetlejuice) backstage before the wedding. Valkyrie says Bravo has become a jerk and they can leave right now, Rosemary says they have a much better plan for Bravo than leaving him at the altar. Alisha runs in asking if she’s late, Valkyrie says she has a bad feeling about this, Alisha asks why everyone keeps saying that.
-NEXT WEEK: Chris Bey vs. Trey Miguel, Su Yung vs. Deonna Purrazzo, Doc Gallows vs. Ethan Page, Rich Swann & Eddie Edwards vs. Eric Young & Sami Callihan.
THE WEDDING BETWEEN JOHN E. BRAVO AND ROSEMARY
Oh booooy here we go.
Ring has been set up to look wedding-like, the guests at ringside dressed in various Halloween costumes. Swoggle, The Deaners, Johnny Swinger, Alisha, Taya Valkyrie, and Fallah Bahh (dressed as Stay Puft) make their way out as the wedding party. John E. Bravo, the groom, out next with a goofy ass tux and earmuffs; his stuffed dog is dressed way better.
Arena goes red and Father James Mitchell makes his way out, returning from “The Bad Place” to be the officiant. His entrance theme is so bad I love it. Rosemary, the bride to be, makes her way out to her theme song, arm in arm with former Decay cohort Crazzy Steve.
Mitchell says they are gathered here to today to join two wretched souls in unholy matrimony: the “virginal” John E. Bravo and Rosemary. Mitchell asks if there is anyone who feels that these vows should not go forward. Speak now or forever hold your peace. No one says anything, Mitchell says they’ve dodged that trope and moves on. They have brought their own wedding vows, OH BOY. Bravo is up first: he says Rosemary is creepy, cooky, mysterious, and spooky, altogether ooky, and she’s his little gargoyle. Bravo says they are destined to be together forever and NOBODY is going to ruin this day for him. Mitchell, surprised that no one is here to ruin his day, takes it to Rosemary. Rosemary said they knew the shadow sent him to them when they first smelled his virginal blood. Rosemary goes on to say that no mortal from this realm or the next can stop them from getting what they want. Everyone looks around, nothing happens, Mitchell says so far so good.
Mitchell calls over Swoggle, the RING IMP, for the trading of the rings. Mitchell asks Bravo if he takes Rosemary to be his lawfully-wedded wife, which he does. Mitchell asks the same of Rosemary, and they do. Mitchell pronounces them husband and wife, Bravo and Rosemary go to kiss but the lights go out. A gunshot is heard, lights go on and BRAVO HAS BEEN SHOT WHAT THE F*CK. Tommy Dreamer hovers over Bravo and asks “Who Shot Bravo?” and yells “NOOOOOOO” as the show goes off the air.
- Thoroughly entertaining and the ending made me laugh so hard I teared up. This f*cking ruled. Oh maaaan what a weird thing this all is. Impact just throwing all sorts of sh*t at the wall to see what sticks and you gotta love ‘em for it.
FINAL THOUGHTS: A breezy episode of Impact Wrestling that set up some potential contenders to Swann’s World Championship, plus a few other feuds, and gave us a Hogan/Steelz win which ABOUT DAMN TIME. All that capped off by a goofy wrestling wedding that ended in a goddamn “WHODUNIT” with John E. Bravo getting shot. What the absolute f*ck. I miss TNA, don’t get me wrong, but I like this “eh let’s just do weird sh*t who cares” caution to the wind Impact Wrestling.
- MATCH OF THE NIGHT: Rich Swann vs. Eric Young
- MOMENT OF THE NIGHT: John E. Bravo gets shot, Tommy Dreamer does his best “NOOOOO!” and that ENDS THE EPISODE. Seriously though that whole wedding was great. Goddamn. What a thing.